{Virtual} Coffee.....

{Virtual} Coffee at Lucky Number 13

I stumbled upon a really neat blog a week or so ago called Lucky Number 13 and every Tuesday Amy hosts {Virtual} Coffee.  Well, being a coffee addict, I naturally fell in love with this idea and after visiting a few of the blogs in this weeks link party (I haven't finished visiting them all yet!), I knew that this was a wonderful group of ladies who I'd like to get to know better.

I have to admit though, that I have struggled all day with trying to decide if I should sit and share coffee with you all or not.  Or  wait until next week or the week after that.  I don't want this post to turn into a pity party on my behalf and pretty much just a real downer for any one who might read it.  But, this is real life that we are talking about and it surely isn't always sunny and perfect.  So, since we are sitting down as friends and having some coffee and conversation, I guess I will slightly touch on what has really been going on in my life.

If we were sitting down for coffee......I would probably hesitate to tell you about these past few months.  More so from embarrassment and shame than anything else.  I'd tell you that I never thought it would be so hard to be a parent and that when I was holding my first child, I would have never believed that she would be putting us through the things that we've gone through the past 5 years.

I'd tell you that my embarrassment and shame doesn't come from anything that I did.....but from the effects of felling responsible for the things my oldest daughter has done and is still doing.  That we, as mothers, always feel responsible from what our children do, how they act, how they treat people, what they say, etc.....it's just part of being a mom, right?  We raised them, we taught them what was right and wrong, we nurtured them......how can it not be our fault when they decide to turn to the dark side?

I'd tell you that nothing has been harder than accepting that I am not responsible for my child's behaviors now.  She is 19.  She's an adult.  She moved out this past June.  She's making her own choices and she is the one who has to deal with them.  Not me.  Not anymore.  I have to move on.  I did my best and it's out of my hands now and only in Gods.  I have to make peace with that.

Then, I'd probably try to change the subject to something happier, like how wonderful and amazing it has been to watch my two other teenagers grow up into respectable and responsible young adults, who are caring and kind people.  See, I did okay.  I'm not a failure of a parent.  That's what I'd be telling us both.....trying to reassure myself that that's the truth.

Then I would probably start feeling a little guilty for taking over our conversion with such a deep topic.  I've been dealing with all of this hurt and pain for so long and it seems like the only thing I have to talk about.

But it's not.  So, knowing me, I'd be staring on my second cup of coffee by now.....either Pumpkin Spice Latte or an Egg Nog Latte (oh how I love the Autumn fun coffees!)  Do you need another cup?  I tend to ramble sometimes...... ;-)

So, I'd sit back and tell you of all of the blessings in my life that have been keeping me going and helping me stay strong.  My son, who is a senior in high school, who has a great job and an amazing girl friend.  My "bud man" who's grown up to towering at least a foot over me and still doesn't seem too embarrassed if I hug on him.  lol  Of my daughter, who is a freshman in high school, who is the kindest girl I know, an amazing artist and writer.  Watching her blossom into a young lady has been a joy.  I'd tell you about my little, surprise blessing GG, who's 3, and every bit a 3-year old. lol  She's my little helper and always by my side.   And then I'd tell you about Peanut.  Our little man who's kicking away happily in my belly right now.   I was so afraid we wouldn't be able to have him, because I had problems conceiving this time for some reason.....well, I have a feeling a lot of it was because of all of the stress I was going through with our oldest.  But, he's on his way, looking perfect in all of his tests and measurements, even though I'm high-risk since I'm over 40 (how I got over forty is beyond me! lol)

As we chat, I'd start feeling better......there isn't anything nicer than having a friend to talk to, especially over coffee.  And then I would be anxious to hear all about you.  Do you have older children?  Have you had any struggles?  How about a wide gap in children, like I do?  Are you thinking about Thanksgiving yet?  What are you plans?  Are you trying any new recipes?  Oh, how I love to cook and bake and try new things!  Do you have something yummy you could share with me?

Before we finish our coffee, I would thank you whole-heartedly for visiting with me.  I'd thank you for being there to listen.  Even to all of the yucky things I had to share.  I'd thank you for sharing about yourself and ask you to meet me next week for coffee.  I promise I won't always be this deep in my conversations.....it's just been one of those weeks. ;-)

Take care and God Bless,
di